


Stunnin'

by ForzaFerrari



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Everything is what I thought, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insecurity, M/M, SAPNAP IS LITERALLY PERFECT, Sapnap thinks he is ugly, Use of IRL and In Game names, WE DO NOT CONDONE BODY SHAMING, body image issues, body worship kinda, cheers - Freeform, fucking dono's man, his boys show him he's not, sorry - Freeform, this is a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForzaFerrari/pseuds/ForzaFerrari
Summary: Sapnap thinks that he's fat and doesn't deserve Dream and George. This is a vent fic....
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 599





	Stunnin'

**Author's Note:**

> I’m projecting okay… I had a bad day with my body image. Um, everything in this is my actual thoughts so repetition of the same arguments is my own thoughts. Unfortunately, I don’t have two wonderful partners to love me lmaooooooo

Nick knew he wasn’t exactly small, he knew he was built heavier than both of his boyfriends. He wasn’t small and thin like George or tall and covered in sun-kissed freckles like Clay. He was just...chubby. Nick didn’t like it. He couldn’t even fit in George’s sweatshirts but George could fit in his. They were the same height! The sweatshirts were always tight and they hugged uncomfortably on his body. He just wanted to be perfect for the two most perfect people he had ever met. 

Nick sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror, he sucked in his stomach and wondered if he’d look better if he lost some weight. Nick barely noticed when Clay walked into the bathroom. Clay walked over and wrapped his arms around Nick’s waist. The younger man tensed and pushed him away. “It’s,” Nick started.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for scaring you, Pandas,” Clay said pressing kisses to Nick’s collarbone and neck. 

‘If only it was just that,’ Nick thought bitterly, as Clay pulled away. He mumbled some shitty rap lyrics under his breath as he pulled a shirt over his head.

* * *

The second time he had flinched away from his boyfriends was when they were watching a movie. He hadn’t even noticed that George’s hand had crept over until his fingers brushed over the curve of his stomach. A dreaded sense of panic quickly overcame his senses. Nick let out a quiet whine, pushed George’s hand away, and slotted himself into the far edge of the couch. George reached out to him, but Nick just shook his head, ignoring the hurt on George’s face. 

  
He hated this, he felt so weak and tired and ugly and just wrong. Nick could feel George’s eyes burning into the side of his head as he stared obsessively at the shitty movie that was playing. Maybe he could put in a few more hours in the gym, maybe do more ab work or something; anything to make him feel worthy of the love George and Clay so freely give him. “Nicky? Come here, love,” George said, again reaching out for the younger man. Nick couldn’t stomach the thought of George’s hands all over him, but he scooted closer and tangled his fingers with George’s. This seems to satisfy the Brit, who gave Nick’s hand a small squeeze. 

  
Nick looked down at Clay’s head on George’s lap, he ran his free hand through the wavy, dirty-blonde hair. Clay pushed his head closer to the hand in his hair, his face pillowed in George’s stomach. God, he was so cute. Nick looked down to his abdomen, he saw how his stomach pudged out (slightly perhaps but out nonetheless.) His boyfriends could never lay on his lap, not with this annoying and ugly stomach in the way. His thoughts were swirling in his head, angry, toxic, aggressive. 

  
‘Too much, too much, too much!” His mind screamed. Nick snatched his hands out of George’s and out of Clay’s hair. He slammed them down on the couch, gripping at the leather as tight as he could. He swore he could feel his nails cut crescents into the cushions. Clay jumped slightly, his head snapped up to Nick’s face. 

  
“Nick... are you okay?” Clay said, fighting off a wave of sleepiness. 

  
“No, yeah, I-I don’t know,” Nick was being honest, mostly. It would be so easy to tell them, so easy. They would kiss him softly, telling him sweet nothings until he believed them. “I have this assignment due on Monday a-and I’m stressed because I wanna spend time with you guys b-but this stupid line of code isn’t working. And it’s due on Monday and I’m stuck.” And there it is, a ‘little white lie.’ 

  
“Oh baby, it’s okay, I can help you,” Clay said, as he sat up. He pressed a kiss to Nick’s rounded, squishy cheek.

  
“No, I can figure it out, besides I could just ask George, he’s better at coding anyway,” Nick said, giggling.

  
“He’s shit at coding,” Clay pouted and George scoffed in mock offense.

  
“Okay, um, I’m gonna…” Nick started, pointing to his room with his thumb. He pressed a kiss to Clay’s forehead and a kiss to George’s cheek. His face burned as he held in his tears.

* * *

After laying on his bed and willing his tears away; he dropped into his chair, it let out a pitiful shriek. “Bitch,” Nick muttered, kicking the chair with the heel of his foot. It squeaked again in protest. He sighed, opening the link to his Comp-Sci assignment. ‘How convenient that I have to recode a game…’ He thought. ‘It’s almost like my teacher knows I’m a YouTuber, oh wait, he does!” He stared at the line of code he had been stuck on the night before. Nick heard a knock on the door, he looked up, flashing a small smile when he saw George.

“I put Clay to bed, so I’m all yours for a couple of hours,” George said, depositing himself on Nick’s lap and hooking his arms behind Nick’s head. Nick hummed, he closed his eyes and shoved his head into the crook of George’s neck. He felt a pair of lips ghost the back of his neck. 

‘Put Dream to bed, bullshit,’ Nick thought. Nick said nothing, but he nipped at the milky skin of George’s neck.

“No love for me?” Clay asked. 

“No,” Nick said, sucking a lovebite into George’s neck.

“No, Sap, I’m -we’re- here to help you on your assignment,” George gasped out, and Nick let out a whine. 

“Fine,” Nick said, faux-frustration gracing his voice, but he smiled. 

“What do you need help with?” Clay asked as he leaned over the chair. 

“I was so sure that I got the code right, but the cats won’t fall but the dogs do,” Nick said quietly, as George turned around to the screen.

“Well, you need to change this, and you’ve defined the variable as ‘cats_rain’, but you’ve put ‘cat_rain’ along the rest,” George started.

Nick groaned, “I’m such a blind idiot.” And Nick meant it, he was an idiot. 

“Shhh, don’t say that, you’re not an idiot, you just didn’t notice,” George said, placing his hand over Nick’s.

“We’re gonna fix it and then we’ll go over the code together, baby,” Clay said. Nick didn’t say anything but nodded into George’s neck. Nick could hear the angry scrape of two chairs being pulled over. George slid off his lap and slipped into the chair on his right. Clay, ran his fingers through Nick’s brunette hair and sat down on his left. While he reworked the code, he noticed both George and Clay’s hands were creeping up his thighs. 

  
“Hands off the goodies, boys,” Nick said, his eyes not moving from the screen. “I need to finish this.”

  
Clay let out a gasp as if he had done nothing wrong. “We’re not doing anything!” Clay said, moving his hand higher. “Besides, you’re the one who started this. Can’t help it when you look so sexy when you concentrate.”

  
“Dream, please, I need to finish this,” Nick hissed, shivering.

  
“Fine, call us when you’re done, my love!” George said happily, skipping out of his room with Clay in tow.

  
“You’re doing so well, I’m proud of you!” Clay called back to him. Nick just smiled softly. 

  
‘Do you think they left because you’re ugly? I think he did,’ the voice in his head said. It was sickly sweet, British or Australian, he couldn’t place it. 

  
‘No, they left because they were distracting me and they know it!” Nick argued back.

  
‘Are you sure? I mean look at you!” It said back.

  
‘You’re repeating arguments, you can’t use the same thing and expect me to believe you…’ Nick said. Great he was talking to himself now.

  
‘Aw, but you do believe me...You’re not even sure if they care about you,” It said, and finally, finally, shut up. 

  
“No, I’m sure!” Nick said. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d said it out loud until Clay’s head peeped into the room.

  
“You okay?” He asked. 

  
“Peachy,” he muttered. “I think I’m done, I just need to test it.” Clay gave him a thumbs up and left. Nick loaded up his Minecraft and set up the plug-in, he prayed that it worked. He may or may not have screamed so loud when it worked, that his boyfriends thought he was dying. Totally.

* * *

Maybe streaming right after his mind freaked out over a single touch was not a good idea. He wasn’t really in the best headspace either. But, Nick had thought that he’d give something to his fans. So face-cam stream seemed like a good idea until it wasn’t. He had convinced Clay and George to stream with him, with Clay sitting just out of frame. Nick started his stream with the usual spiel and excitedly explained why ‘Dream’ and ‘George’ were there. 

  
Everything was good until one dono came in. Nick hadn't even realized that it had come in, he was too busy giggling with George. 

  
‘Get out of frame Sapnap, we’re only here for George, you’re ugly compared to him...Like IDK lose some weight fatass…’ The dono read out in a monotone voice. Nick let out a sharp inhale, he breathed out a fake laugh, acting like it didn’t bother him; but it did. 

  
“Guys! I think I’m gonna end the stream here!” Nick said, looking at his watch. “I’ve been streaming for, like, 2 hours. Um, I love y’all and thank you for coming!” Nick shut off his stream as quickly as he could, whimpering quietly as he climbed into Clay’s lap. He felt small, did his fans really think he was ugly? Did they really think he was fat? Was he? Was he? WAS HE?! 

  
“Nick, oh honey, you’re shaking,” Clay said and Nick realized he was shaking like a leaf. “Shh, don’t listen to that stupid dono, you’re beautiful.” But, he didn’t believe him. Why would he mean it? They were boyfriends, Clay was obligated to say that Nick was beautiful. 

  
“You don’t mean it, I’m fat and ugly,” Nick said, his head buried in Clay’s neck like it had been with George only a few hours before. “You HAVE to say it, you’re my boyfriend.” 

  
“Nick, what are you talking about? You’re literally perfect,” George said. If Nick’s throat didn’t feel like it was closing up he would have come back with another clever, self-deprecating joke, but it hurt. 

“You won’t get it, you never will…” Nick said, it was barely a whisper in Clay’s ear. 

“Then explain it to us Nick,” Clay said, running his hand down Nick’s spine. “You can’t hide your emotions, it’s not like you…” Nick glared at him as best as he could with sad, green eyes. 

  
“I ain’t never seen three pretty boyfriends, it’s always one of ‘em gotta be ugly,” Nick parroted a stupid TikTok meme. 

  
“W-what?” George asked, quietly, his eyes widened in surprise. 

  
“I ain’t never seen three pretty boyfri-” Nick repeated.

  
“No, we heard you the first time Nick,” Clay said, upset. Clay was an emotional person and Nick could see the pain in his bright, emerald eyes. What do you mean, ‘it’s always one of them gotta be ugly’?’

  
“Nicky, you’re not ugly, who told you that?” George asked. Nick’s eyes stung, why’d they have to care so much. 

  
“My brain, it’s mean sometimes a-and then certain dono’s and comments on stuff...I don’t- they just hurt,” Nick started. “But-they- it’s true! I’m not attractive or anything.”

  
“You’re beautiful, whoever told you otherwise is just spouting bullshit,” Clay said, tightening his hold on Nick. And Nick felt small and protected in the strong arms of his boyfriend. 

  
“But they’re right!” Nick yelled. He pushed himself out of Clay’s lap, hot tears dripping down his cheeks. Clay and George both reached out for him, but he took a step back. He pointed at his stomach, “This is fat, I am fat, look at this, ‘lose some weight’, ‘go to the gym’, ‘push more. Imagine hearing that from someone on the internet or-or you fucking head.”

  
“Nicky…” Clay started.

  
“Shut up, I’m not done,” Nick hissed. He knew he was being mean but he didn’t care. He had started and he wasn’t gonna stop until the words stopped flowing. “This is fat, who in their right mind would find these fucking thighs cute or attractive? Oh, right, no one! Because they’re ugly.”

  
“I DO! I FIND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU PERFECT, PANDAS!” Clay yelled back, he probably couldn’t help it. “I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! WHY ELSE WOULD I TOUCH YOUR THIGHS OR LEAVE HICKEYS ALL OVER THEM AND MARK THEM WHEN WE’RE TAKING YOU APART? IF I FOUND YOUR TUMMY UGLY OR DISGUSTING I WOULDN’T BE TOUCHING YOU!” Clay was panting at the end of his ‘speech.’ 

  
“Fuck, Nicky, I didn’t- I hadn’t even noticed...That dono- they- oh my god…” George said, before launching himself into Nick’s arms. He barely had enough time to react before he crashed into him. “You- you’re perfect, I love you so much. A-and I know I don’t voice that a lot and I don’t have a way with words like Dream does but...God I adore you. Everything about you is beautiful, from your eyes, to your smile, to your laugh, to your tummy, to your thighs. I don’t think I could love someone more than I love you.”

  
“It’s hard sometimes, to think that I’m attractive, when the two of you are so _thin_ ,” Nick spat out the word ‘thin’ as if it was a curse.

  
“I’m like a twig, Nicky,” George said. “You have muscle on your arms, my arm would snap in half if I did anything. But you, holy shit, when you do the thing when you hold me or Clay down is so fucking hot, my love, so hot.” Nick blushed, he hadn’t really thought of the good things about himself, but when George said it out loud he just felt ridiculous. 

  
“Besides, _Sapnap_ , you know you are more than just a pretty face,” Clay murmured. “I fell in love with you when we were 16, well you were 15, but I hadn’t even seen your face. I fell in love with your voice, your personality, how you would call at three in the morning just to talk about pandas because you wanted to talk with someone while you ate.” 

  
“I-fuck-I’m an idiot, I don’t know, I just, you both are perfect,” Nick whispered. 

  
“Yeah, we are perfect, all three of us are perfect,” Clay started.

  
“But, we’d -we’re- incomplete without you, Nick,” George finished. Nick pulled the both of them into a tight hug. One hand fisted into the back of Clay’s tank top and one fisted into George’s hoodie (that was most definitely his), Nick gripped as hard as he could. He felt that if he let go, they’d be gone. Kisses were placed all over his face by Clay, until he gripped his round plump cheeks and pressed a hard kiss to Nick’s lips. George did the same, just with less fire behind his kiss. George kissed with so much love that Nick felt like he was getting dizzy. They both looked at him with devilish smiles. 

  
“Can we show you how beautiful you are?” They both asked. Nick nodded shyly, grasping onto both of their hands as they led him to their bedroom. And if Nick slept better than he has in his life, after they had finished with him. Well, that was no one’s business but their own. Oh, and if the hickeys all over his thighs and neck were any indication, yeah he had an amazing night. 

_**EL FIN** _

**Author's Note:**

> COMMENTS AND KUDOS MAKE MY HEART SOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T BE SHY! I DON'T BITE! <3


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